06 February 2014

I Lost My Virginity

I couldn't wait any longer. I've been waiting all my life to hand my v-card to my wife on our honeymoon, but it never happened. I never found her. And I'm done waiting.
Being righteous is not everlasting life. It's Hell on Earth.

This is not a matter of self-control. If anyone has the ability to control his sinful nature and take captive his thoughts, it's me. If anyone can follow God's commands and do it right, you're reading his blog. This is not a matter of needing the Spirit to overcome my lustful desires. This is simply my decision to overcome the fear of sin. The fear that I could somehow disappoint God. A fear that was instilled from day one.

Why did you change your mind about remaining a virgin? Because I was 36. I was thirty-freaking-six years old and never had intercourse. Who does that?? I know. Only idiots like me. I've gone for at least 23 years (since puberty) without experiencing the one thing a man wants most in life. Sex. I've badly wanted it since junior high, but it wasn't right. It was sin to have sex before marriage and God doesn't want sin in my life. I was taught to remain pure and share my gift with my wife, but as you can see, she never came. There comes a point when a man breaks and he can no longer reject his God-given instincts.

Why did you choose to wait in the first place? Because the Bible says so. God specifically says that we should abstain from any sexual immorality. Clearly, that includes sex before marriage. Leave it up to God to tell you to make tons of babies in the beginning of the world, but later say, "Not so fast! You can't have sex yet. You gotta wait for the right time, the right legal status, the right ceremony, and you must be sure to have the right lifetime partner." Nonsense.

I also waited because my mom told me to. She knew best, and she knew that I would be more satisfied if I obeyed God's commands. Every Christian preaches this message. I couldn't let my mother down. I needed to be strong and show everyone she raised a son who truly loved the Lord (which I did). Only those who love Jesus will obey his commands.

Besides not wanting to get a girl pregnant or reap an STD, there was another reason I wanted to wait. I was heavily involved in church and a leader in many ministries. You see, every single church has rules. Actually, they have more rules than the Bible does. Church rules are even more stringent than God's demands. Let me explain. If you're ever caught committing any "major" sins, you are done. You are removed from your position and replaced by someone else who doesn't struggle with so much sin. Everything the church does is based on your ability to do it right (this is no different from the evil Pharisees in Jesus' day).

Was this a sudden decision? No. I've been thinking about this for a while...ever since I wrote my 35 Year Old Virgin post. I've been debating on whether I wanted to wait like I've done all my life or take the plunge. Then it hit me. In all honesty, my future wife couldn't care less if I've had sex before marriage. And if she was really bothered by it, then she would never be the one for me. She can find someone else to fulfill her self-righteous needs.

What is wrong with you? Have you gone to the Dark Side? No. I've just decided I no longer want to live in fear. I no longer fear not being in God's good graces or somehow living a sinful lifestyle. You see, I'm forgiven and so are you. No one is going to tell me that I'm not washed or that I somehow still have sin in my life. If they do, they can go to hell - the place where accusers of the brethren belong.

Let me share an example. I remember being in high school when I finally got the guts to ask for prayer because I was struggling with masturbating. I was so scared to admit it. I never told anyone that I was thinking about girls and getting turned on because I knew I was wrong, and I was so ashamed. I would try to not get aroused, but I couldn't help it. Finally, I got the courage to ask for help. You have no idea how hard it was to walk up to the assistant pastor during the alter call and confess what I was doing wrong. Basically, I was an unrighteous believer who couldn't control his penis. And do you want to know what Pastor Carter did? He simply prayed for me. He prayed that I not struggle with masturbating or have inappropriate thoughts about women. Sounds like the right thing to do, but it wasn't. Why is this wrong? By simply praying for me to overcome my sin, he fed the shame and sorrow that I felt for being so bad - for not being able to control my God-given desires.

When did you lose your virginity? A few months ago. It was amazing! She knew where I stood, made every effort to ensure I was comfortable and made it special. It all happened at just the right time. I knew I was ready to do what I had been waiting for my whole life.

What crazy thing did you do? Everyone's probably heard of this, but do you remember that chick who decided to sell her virginity to the highest bidder? I remember it being on the news and how successful she was. Well, I entertained the idea. I wanted to get paid. I started asking the women in my life what they thought and quickly learned something new. In one way or another they all gave me the same answer: "Why would we pay for sex when we can get it for free??" Yeah, didn't see that coming.

How do you feel about the whole experience? I was ticked!! I was so mad that someone made up a rule about not having sex before marriage. I can't wait to get to Heaven and personally slap the $#!t out of the righteous Pharisee bastard who commanded everyone to do this. I don't care if it's James, John, or Paul. They all deserve a second death for trying to enforce such absolute nonsense. Leave it up to religion to make what is natural out to be one of the worst sins a man can commit. The church has always tried to control and enslave people into doing things its way (which includes your sex life). Christian authority has always enjoyed grabbing you by the balls and telling you what to do.

However, the angry phase is gone. Why? Because I'm having sex now. I'm not afraid to sleep with someone I'm attracted to anymore. It's no longer "evil". I'm being selective, and I trust the women I'm with so this makes it fun and easy. Thank God for women who love sex!

What are you going to do next? Have more sex. I mean as much as I can...and I'm being dead serious. I have a lot of making up to do and so much to learn.

At first, I was like an insecure little boy. I was almost scared because I felt inadequate at such an old age. Don't get me wrong, I skated around "sin" and became quite good at all things outside intercourse, but when it came to the real thing, it was sad. To be honest, when I started I couldn't even last 30 seconds without...well, you know. I've gotten better since then; however, there is still much to learn. I feel so bad for those poor girls who had to deal with my inexperience. I haven't heard from a couple since. ~:-)

Anyway, sex is amazing. It's like I'm 18 all over again.
Love is not an action (or the lack thereof). Love is love. Period.

What advice can you give someone in your situation? It's not worth it! It sucks and it's no way to live. I know this goes against everything you've been taught, but premarital sex is not bad. No matter what the Bible says or what they tell you, sex is simply just that - sex. It truly has no greater value or meaning than anything else in life. It's no more important than eating and drinking. Our religious society and culture have made sex taboo. They have placed a high value on an act that is completely natural and that two people simply share with each other.

If anything, sex has made it easier for me to communicate and really get to know someone. It breaks down the barriers and tension between two people and allows you both to be honest and open. It seems the more you bare physically, the easier it is to open up and reveal your naked thoughts and feelings.

The way I see sex is so different now. It's not bad or anything to be ashamed of. God gave you the desire to have sex. It was never intended for you to wait until you were 36 years old to have it. Please! No man or woman should ever wait that long. Don't make the mistake I've made and deny the very nature God gave you. Leave the obeying commands and righteousness for the modern-day Pharisees. They will always need to do something "right" to feel better about themselves.

Oh, and find someone experienced. Find someone who knows what they're doing and who's willing to hang in there with you. They make great coaches.

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